I know I am lying when I say NO EXPECTATIONS.
hurtling down the tenebrous winding staircase, i couldnt get my head around Ashs callous lack of remorse for what he had done. i had been cajoled into attending a clandestine assembly of authors and now im practically throwing myself down the stone stairs desperatley thinking of ways to elude my pursuer and husband also known as ash. slipping on the scarlet liquid which was pouring from the hall, i felt a sense of releif as my body plummets down the stairs i am freed from the fear, the confusion, the heartbreak, the agony which my life had become
The crackling radio blasted green day through the kitchen as the light of the morning sun crept through the window spilling onto the checkered floor tiles. Dragging herself out the door, a tired mother of 3, sat on a bench in her garden as she watched her two sons squabble over whose football was best. Her only daughter was curled up in a den made of old blankets with her curious eyes fixated on the first Harry Potter novel. The den had fairy lights woven beween the wooden poles which kept it's structure. Her mum walked over the dewy grass with bare feet and as she saw her daughter, her eyes filled with love and she whispered good morning.
i change myself and lie, i bite my tongue and only say what they want me to say to fit the standards i have assumed are normal and i cant blame society because im a part of society, the thing is im losing my real self, its odd i dont know who i am anymore, i cant tell the difference between a the truth and the lies, im becoming just another robotic human. sometimes i look back to when i was young and i catch glimpses of myself but that person is buried deep down underneath insecurities and regret. if i could go back and start again maybe i could stay true to myself or at least keep my soul because it is so very lost and i miss it terribly
I met a lady last night that told me stories of how her fourteen year old granddaughter thought she was "in love." As I began to giggle at the silly little things she would say about this situation, I began to see myself in them as well. When she stopped talking, I told her how I used to think I was in love back at that age too. I recalled the moments, even in middle school, when I believed I was in true love. Then the moments in high school when I was convinced that i was going to move five hours away from my family to be with the man of my dreams. I remembered all the silly little promises I made back then, all the whispered "I love you's" at the end of late night phone conversations. I remembered all the highs of being "in love" so young. And then I finally remembered all the heartbreak that followed. I remembered realizing for the first time that I didn't want to uproot my whole life for this man so far away. I remember the moment that I finally understood that true love wasn't supposed to hurt that bad and true love wasn't supposed to break me. I remembered that morning in church that I could barely even breathe. I remembered it all. And last night, I prayed to God that this lady's granddaughter didn't have to go through nearly as much heartbreak as I did. I prayed that when true love comes, she would recognize it. And when love shows up, it would be exactly how she has always imagined it.