My god I am having a big fat fucking hangover. What a weird night. Getting hit on by a woman in her 50s. And I kind of let her because it was kind of charming. And safe. Like getting hit on by a gay man. Of course she said that she thought I was gay. My head is spinning. Cant concentrate. Cant be productive. Cant relax. Its all spinning and it is not very nice. I might go for a walk to get some fresh air. I feel fucked. I have to go to the shard today. I am wondering if I will feel OK with the heights and the claustrophobia. Or if I will get a massive panic attack. There is only one way to find out. Oh and there is one way to make sure I won't get any problems: have a few drinks. So what time is that again? I cant remember. 5. 6? Gonna have to get the train there first. Oh how I love it. I am using the tube again. I discovered a secret, a trick. I just have to connect with the safety of the situation and the fear melts away, stops. I am safe. I just need to feel the place in me that knows that. Thats all. My headache is ridiculous. I am not feeling well still because of things you know, mainly money. But check this out: Next pay day will mean freedom to me. But still. My life is on hold. I gotta gear up and start moving.
see that man in suit with tears in his eyes, yh he just lost his wife and told a thousand lies, he told them its fine i can still be happy, ill raise our kids and we'll be okay, everyday he prays for the storm to disguise his agony with just another drop of rain, he looks down at his phone and sees a miscall from his beloved wife she said my dear if you could ever forgive me, i hope to see you someday in another heaven
she sits in her tower looking out her glass window watching the world pass by, she watches the flowers grow blossom then die and rot, she watches kids hold hands and walk down the road with hope in there hearts and a smile in there eyes, she watches the men in suits with a brief case in one hand drive to work with the life drained from there soul and an emptiness in there distant gaze, she watches the tears from the sky cascade down endless buildings finally landing on the cold tarmac she sits in her tower and wonders to herself what it would be like to live like that
I'm standing on one foot at the top of a hundred foot pole, arms out, balancing. I've got obligations nudging me here, life-goals nudging me there. I've got deadlines blowing from this way, addictions blowing from that way. I stand here, counterbalancing against it all, trying to get these projects done. I just want to be the best I can be. I just want to please my shepherd. I'm a failing sheep. I'm looking down at the distance. I'm anticipating a fall, and trying to discern if I can survive it. I'm wondering who I will let down as the wind picks up. I'm asking my network for help, and they are offering advice. The pole keeps growing taller, I keep getting higher. My legs and feet are getting sore. I can't hold this pose for much longer. I want to sit. I want to rest.
he took my heart without even realising but forget to give me his so now theres just an empty pit in my chest, i only miss him when im breathing so maybe i'll be better off dead, at least then i'll have nothing to lose, nothing to get hurt over. no one can fix me anymore the broken pieces of my soul are lost under the stars and no one would try to put them back together for they would cut open there hands and im just not worth it am i