The days are so much colder now, and my skin feels so old, like a tired mess stretched over me aching with pain. I hold your voice inside my head and it plays on repeat sometimes it taunts me, your soft smooth words twirling in my head. A thousand times or more I must have heard your laughter, but locked away in here I cannot remember that sound, I long for the warmth or the embrace of something other that the dampness inside this cell, my nails are chipped and bloody from the many nights of hell, where the screaming takes my body and my eyes see nothing but the blood. Crimson and beautiful it rolled down your cheek, softly like a tainted tear drop, and then a dribble faster like a stream, a red disgusting mess that creeped all around, I suppressed my screams just for you I couldn't show my fear as you collapsed on top of me drenching me to the bone, your body writhed around me contorted and obscene and all I could do was cry silent tears. Red : a sultry colour now disillusioned with death a painful wrong that happened to us, that took my loving breath. I believed that you would come back to me that it had all been a trick. I haven't seen you since my love, please don't wait too long.
The World Around Me: School and Home. At school, I learn, at home, I relax. Other places include: parks, museums, dentist...so many places in my life. My life has everything-education, relaxation, difficulty, ease and more. It's very interesting to think about because if you didn't have a certain "life necessity" what would your life look like.
It;s strange that I'm writing about it but...here I am. Trying to think of the next sentence that I could write. Vocabulary going through my head right now. My environment, natural place includes favourite places, places I've never been to, places I'm familiar with...so many different ones. My life is unique, no exact person has my exact experiences, even if I had a twin...
The memory of our past drew a thick, sinking line between my backyard and I. It never really came to light, until I was standing in the dark, trying to decide whether or not it was worth crossing to simply retrieve a ball. No, I wasn't scared of the dark. I actually quite loved it. Nighttime was the only part of the day that I felt as if the demons were better at hiding around, instead of inside, my house. I haven't been in that yard in nearly two years, unless I am set on destroying what's in it or myself. I have visited that spot for only two reasons: to pull the vegetables from the garden splayed across the landscape or the to find a way to slowly kill myself. For a while, I believed the garden was a new beginning, something to cover up the old. But as days went by and the garden blossomed, I refused to visit it. It was nearly impossible to see the beauty in something when I knew it rested on top of a tragedy. I am starting to think that maybe all along, I simply wanted something beautiful to grow out of me, out of the tragedy I had become. Instead, I buried my lungs with smoke and tried to blur out the images of the summer I learned to grow up. Now, the only nights that I feel safe outside my own window are the nights that I blow out the smoke that you put into my lungs so many months ago. I'm trying to rid the parts of me that remind me of you. And if it kills me in the process, at least it was smoke in lungs instead of you.
Maths. Algebra, 4 Operations, Decimals, Percentages,Fractions...again some love it some hate it...I love it! Maths-formulas, rules...really appeal to me. Science too-Physics, Biology, Chemistry. I know most of my friends dislike it but I love it...I'm taking food and drink breaks between these sentences so this isn't exactly 4mins 20secs straight...oh well. Maths is one of my favourite subjects. I love Art and English too but Maths is my thing. I am fascinated by mathemeticians and discoveries. I love learning, education, studying because it makes me think. I love finding formulas and equations. It's quite strange that I'm writing about a subject most hate but I guess you could say I'm a nerd.
Standing on a ship is not duty, it's freedom. Rogue waves or normal waves, it doesn't matter, you feel the motion of the earth, the unstoppable momentum of nature - right beneath your feet. Sure, it can make you vomit, right over the reiling, but that is something every seaman must be able to endure. Granted, it gets better over time.
But defying the forces of nature, the uncrossable oceans that would prevent us from seeing each part of this world, it's adventurous. Just don't shoot whales. I mean for christ's sake. Those guys have done nothing wrong haven't they?
They're just human beings like you and me. Only more whalish. Maybe they're from whales. Okay, now it gets ridiculous, even though the way they sing sounds a bit like the whelsh dialect. It's weird, having names that no person in the world could readn and that are longer than an entire line in this writing program. Why would you create something as impracticable. But then again, in iceland, they call volcanoes something like Eijarfjullarjokull and this is also really really weird for many people, but for an icelander, it's quite normal.
And closing the circle - we'd never have been able to settle on iceland if it weren't for the art of seafaring. It's one of our great victories over nature. And a symbiosis if we don't kill Wales. Whales.