So I am still tidying. And it is a big job. I have done well. I am thirsty. I want a beer. We only have Stella. it was free. i would never buy stella. i don't know why i hate it. i just think its shit. florence and the machine are playing. i can smell dug leg in the oven. the lights are on and shining bright. now if you think that sounds lovely, i would have to agree with you. but i don't feel lovely. i feel pretty shit. so yes, i guess, this is called depression. what of it? do i care? do i care if I'm depressed. yes. but i don't care about what you think about that. ha. and that is liberation. cause you know, it makes it half as hard. it makes it 10% as hard to be more honest with you. in fact, it almost goes away. i think that is because the whole cause, the whole root of the evil is that i have cared for too long and far too much about what you think. cause i supposed this is how we are raised in a system where everything is for sale and everything has to be 'marketed' = shown from its best side, exaggerated, sold at any cost, be it ethics. but you know, its not all that dark and bad. i think this system does one thing well, better than the others we know: it creates wealth. now we just have to learn and understand what to buy with this wealth. genuineness.