My god I am having a big fat fucking hangover. What a weird night. Getting hit on by a woman in her 50s. And I kind of let her because it was kind of charming. And safe. Like getting hit on by a gay man. Of course she said that she thought I was gay. My head is spinning. Cant concentrate. Cant be productive. Cant relax. Its all spinning and it is not very nice. I might go for a walk to get some fresh air. I feel fucked. I have to go to the shard today. I am wondering if I will feel OK with the heights and the claustrophobia. Or if I will get a massive panic attack. There is only one way to find out. Oh and there is one way to make sure I won't get any problems: have a few drinks. So what time is that again? I cant remember. 5. 6? Gonna have to get the train there first. Oh how I love it. I am using the tube again. I discovered a secret, a trick. I just have to connect with the safety of the situation and the fear melts away, stops. I am safe. I just need to feel the place in me that knows that. Thats all. My headache is ridiculous. I am not feeling well still because of things you know, mainly money. But check this out: Next pay day will mean freedom to me. But still. My life is on hold. I gotta gear up and start moving.