He could feel things moving in his life slowly. It was about time. He had spent the last decade and a half smoking cigarettes and drinking whisky. When he wasnt drinking coffee to get over last nights hangover and to get ready for then ext one to come. But it had happenend. it wasnt a story like so many where his self pity would have compelled him to magically one day change his life. quite the opposite. he had barely any of that left anyhow. what was going on was mmore subtle and more radical at the same time. it had been building up in him for all these years like the grains of sand accumulation in a clock. slowly. steadily. and here he was, in he had reached a critical mass. he knew this was his one chance. this was his shot at making sense of the sheer endless sensless dull waiting. he was ready for the first time in his life. it was precisely because he had nothing left to lose. it took him so long to lose it all and now he was not going to waiste another minute.