And what was that smell? That aroma was so familiar. But what was it? Certain smells brought back a flood of memories to me. I couldn't help but remember the first years. The times when I would come home from my nine to five grind with the smell of simmering chicken on the grill. Or even the crisp scent of freshly cut veggies. However, this smell was not of food. This was a smell I had experienced a few times before. It was of lilies and cotton and some spice I could never put my finger on. It was the scent I inhaled when I washed his dress shirts every Saturday afternoon. It was the scent that would drive me to a chilling conclusion.
A blank canvas was before her. Which way should she go? On the one hand, she was destined for greatness and a life of being beloved. On the other, she could serve those in need and feel content with the work she was doing. A choice so fragile that she couldn't even separate the strings attached. Sometimes it was him that made her so confused if she was being honest. It was he that made her feel like she needed to be more. This was both a blessing and a curse. She wanted to impress him and be enough for him. But she also wanted to follow her heart into a creative path. She wasn't sure what he wanted. He was as confused as she. This was the first time she had ever felt as if there were truly more than two paths. There were several ways she could be fulfilled, not just two. He too had these roads, but not with the pressure of a successful adulthood bearing down.
Everything was spiraling out of control. For she had no idea what to do anymore. The corners of her mind were littered with thoughts of events that happened long ago. Events that shaped who she was today. It was as if her childhood and adult life were at battle in her mind on a daily basis. Sometimes, she felt like an adult woman. After all- she was married, had a home, and job to go to. She had moments where she felt like a well-developed character in a class literature novel. A character with class, elegance, intelligence, and a fresh perspective on life. However, there were days when she felt just like the frightened child in first grade who lost her best friend and played alone all day. She had a life, yes. But she had lost all contact with herself.