My search for the right words is never-ending. I used to have a way with words that would allow me to say just the right thing at the right time. I knew exactly how to twist and manipulate words and play with sentences to add wit and humor to my words. I used to enjoy the way I said things and have fun doing that with others.
I don't know if it's lack of practice, but I certainly don't have that skill anymore. I'm trying to find my way back so I can finally work on something more serious instead of just rambling about aimless and as confused as those who read my meaningless crap would be. I'm not in the position to judge my ability to express, but I should not settle for anything less than what I used to be. I'm not old, and I sure am not demented. Fuck. This.
My mind is clouded at this moment. I have nothing to write about but the craziness that's happening in my head. Thoughts that cannot be expressed by words, and feelings I do not possess the linguistic skills to project. I am at a loss for words. I don't know what to do with the pile of unimportant mind occupying thoughts. Should I entertain them, or should I meditate them away to have a clearer mind to focus on what is "more important"? Certainty has long left me and my bouncy, sporadic thoughts and opinions. The more I learn, the less I know. My sentences are incoherent, unrelatable, and plain insane, at times. Like eye-floaters, they're there, but when I chase them, they're gone.