Peperoni's tasted good.
I asked his name. It's Nathan. Was he hungry, he wasn't eating much. He said he's fine gave me a faint smile.
"You are staring." He pointed.
I apologized, picked at my pizza. It's warm in here.
"What do you do?"
I am a sales clerk and no, it's wasn't fun. He laughed.
"I'm full." He leaned back, pushed wet hair out of his face.
I noticed his feet. Is he cold? It doesn't matter, he replied. Looking at me straight in the eye, or behind me.
I'll pay. Thank you, he stood up.
Wait for me.
You don't have anywhere to go.
My house is around the block, I said.
Sung the birds, sung the sky.
I want to be held in his arms, or do I want to hold him? Don't understand this need for physical contact for another human being.
Ache. These feelings, they are beautiful. Can't finish anything. Can begin, accumulate, end, but not finish.
A ravishingly hot day.
Kept talking about them. Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing.
I am not a romantic, I do not think about romance. I stop asking questions. Questions are not supposed to be asked. I stop writing about my feelings.
Writing is an expression of freedom? No. It frees no one. It does not free me.
I copy people. Rewrote what they did, pretend. That frees me.
His stomach was hurting so bad Naruto though he had diarrhea but when he ran to the restroom, and sat down on the toilet, it wasn't.
He sighted in relief, finished his business and walked out of his stall.
His feet was nearly on the ground when he heard a sharp gasp. Right there and then, he froze. There was no need to look up or anything to know it was a female voice.
After a second or two, he heard another voice, "Naruto." sharp, and menacing.
Licking his lips, he darted a sheepish glance at the woman in front of him. There was not just one.
"W-well..." He was in a lost of words.
Hinata had both her hands on her chest looking terrified and Sakura folded her arms with a deadly aura.
As much as he'd wanted to run away as fast as he could, his feet refused any kind of movements. How the hell did he miss the fact that there were no urinal visible in this damn room?
Shit! Naruto! He internally screamed, wondering what kind of stupid expression he was making right now.
Quick! An excuse, he needed an excuse.
He was in luck, his mouth moved on it's own.
"There", he begain, "wasn't any stalls in the man's toilet."
"If you step in, you won't be able to return."
The dark haired man informed, monotonous voice, empty expression.
"What if", he pondered, "I don't want to." Provocative.
The man raised an eyebrow, smirked, folded his arms and leaned against the wall as if to say whatever.
"Hey!" He nearly shouted, irritated at the lost of attention.
Without moving an inch the man glanced at him.
"Who are you?" He asked, wondered why he needed to know.
"If it isn't obvious enough, I guard this door." The man fixed his long bangs, tugged it behind one ear. He squinted, the action seemed vaguely familiar, as if he'd seen it somewhere before. No, it's this man, this man doing what he was doing.
"What is your name?" His mumbled, doubting his foggy memories.
The man didn't look at him, he seemed to find the granite extremely fascinating. He urgently walked to the man.
When they were in front of each other, the man looked up. He was taken by surprise, from afar, he didn't realize the man's gaze was so sinister. It caught him in its eternal darkness and wouldn't let go.
The man squinted, had a hand on his chest, pushed him away.
"You were too close", voice filled with anger.
"It's not a big deal." He found himself sneer.
The man closed his eyes, as if he was in pain. He stared at the horizon.
"Go away." The man gave him another push. He almost fell backwards, caught himself before he hit the ground.
"Where should I go?" Wobbly, he asked, genuinely needed an answer.
"Wherever you want, now that you've passed the gate."
His eyes widened in shock. "I didn't!"
"Look around you, idiot."
He was on the other side. Where he came from looked eerily blurry through the gate. "When did I..."
"When you approach me." The man cocked his head.
"You..." He muttered hoarsely.
"Now get the fuck out." The man slightly tilted his head, showing his pale thin neck.
Without a second though, he crashed the man to the wall. Trapped him between his arms.
He traced the man with his eyes.
"You lured me." He said, only half joking.
The waves rose before they were immediately washed away. Naruto removed his shoes, felt the fresh water on his feet.
He was oddly sad, his heart weighted on his like a burden. He slightly closed his eyes.
"Naruto." As voice called.
It was Hinata.
"What are you doing?"
Naruto didn't look at her.
"Nothing", he replied curtly.
"Are you angry."
Hinata could hear his sharp breath. "No."
Hinata coughed, held herself in the wind, her desk flew loudly.
"Go away, Hinata." He sighed.
When Hinata couldn't find put any words on her mouth, Naruto continued, "I'm sorry."
"It's..." She felt tears welled up the corners of her eyes. "Okay."
"I'm sorry", Naruto mumbled, started to walk away.
Before he could make a couple of steps, he felt small hands wrapped around his naked waist.
He froze for a second, relief to find tantalization in her touch. She was shaking.
"Please Naruto", she pleaded desperately, hot tears wet Naruto's back. "I- I can be that person's replacement, I don't mind Naruto. I can be anything you want. I can do anything you want me to. Just tell me, what can I do to make you happy?"
At that point, she chocked a little, she was talking too fast. Her face was as read as a tomato, her heart raced almost painfully.
"I don't want you to look so painful." He tightened her wrap around him, bawling her eyes out.
On instinct, Naruto lifted his hand to cup Hinata's. They were much smaller than his. He smirked. How can Hinata replace Sasuke.
Within the next seconds, he did something that surprised even himself. Lifted Hinata's arms, turned over and gently caressed her pale face. Hinata refused to look at him until he pulled her chin up.
She bit her lips, water fogged her transparent pupils.
He leaned in, and when their lips were inches apart, took a quick glance at the moonlight's reflection on the silver dusk.
Naruto doesn't smoke, only Sasuke does.
"Stop doing that, you're killing yourself." He grunted, covering his nose, not used to the tickling sensation he inhaled.
"Whatever." Sasuke answered taking another sip, arms dropped behind Naruto's shoulders.
Naruto titled his head. Gave up and returned to what he was doing, reading manga.
Sasuke shot him a side long glance, seemingly wanted to say something but didn't. Instead he bit on his cigarettes and cringed at the soft texture.
"Naruto", he called.
Naruto made a small audible sound just enough for him to know he was listening.
"What do you plan to do?"
Sasuke exhaled, "your future." He replied curtly.
Naruto dropped his manga on his knees to look at Sasuke. Sasuke turned to him only to catch a bland expression.
In the sun, Naruto's blond lashes slightly shone under transparent blue.
There might have been something about Sasuke's way of staring because Naruto asked.
"Is there something on my face?" He touched his chin, genuine with his supposition.
Sasuke let out a silent smirk.
Naruto glared, "wierdo".
"Stupid", Naruto shot back, leaning on the bench, head slightly grazing Sasuke's arm.
"Shut up!" Naruto pouted, discovering the comfort of laying on Sasuke's arm.
"Don't drool on my shirt." Sasuke warned, almost serious.
"You wish! That's anatomically impossible." Naruto yawned, widened his arms, and just because it's convenient, patted Sasuke's head.
"Let go." Sasuke told him without moving an inch.
"Hm." Naruto sneered. "You know you like it so shut up already."
And began digging into Sasuke's dark stands.
it took a while before Sasuke reacted, he leaned into Naruto's warmth and Naruto could've sworn he heard a slight purr.
"You're like a cat, Sasuke." Naruto commented, his voice dropped low.
Sasuke didn't spit at him so Naruto continued.
"You were purring." He whispered.
Back then, they were just kids, pondering about what they would do after high school.
Naruto nipped at his cigarette, sucked in a deep breath until it filled him up to his throat, until he chocked. Cigarette spat on the grey asphalt, he began coughing like an idiot, tears welling up in the corners of his eyes.
In between his heavy coughing, there was this faint low chuckle, god, he would recognize it anywhere.
He glanced, too embarrassed to face the dark hair man. Sasuke stood solemnly in front of him, arms crossed.
"Shut up." Naruto grunted, regained some of his composure, not that he really had one.
Hn, Sasuke tilted his head, his long bangs bobbing on his sides. Long sleeved shirt, jeans, boots, black everywhere.
Naruto drew back until he finally hit the wall, clumsily he leaned on to it. Sheepishly, he turned to face Sasuke.
Sasuke's eyes were fixated on him, cold, unreadable yet it calmed him, made him feel immensely warm.
How long has it been since the last time he saw him. Sasuke was as beautiful as ever.
"Shut up." Naruto repeated although Sasuke hasn't said a word.
The way Sasuke eyed him from head to toe made him oddly shiver despite himself. He briefly close his eyes in a daze for some reason before snapping them open again.
Sasuke wasn't there anymore, Naruto looked around in sheer panic.
"Sasuke. Sasuke!" He called over and over, at the top of his lungs.
"You look pathetic." The glassy timber echoed.
Sasuke leaned against the wall, smocking.
Naruto squinted. "You were over there", he tilted his head, too exhausted to gesture.
"Hm", Sasuke sipped at his cigarette.
Naruto stared at it, then at the ground.
"You took it." He sounded irritated for some reason.
"I did", apparently, was Sasuke's answer.
"That's fucking disgusting!" Naruto yelled.
Hands, dropped to his sides, Sasuke turned to him and smiled, warm, and almost sad.
"STOP DOING THAT, MOTHERFUCKER!" Naruto snapped, he launched onto Sasuke, took hold of his wrist and squeezed, forcing him to drop the already cold cigarette.
Sasuke didn't resist, he allowed Naruto to corner him into the wall, looking almost amused.
Naruto starred at him intently, unable to hide the pain and hurt in his eyes.
Sasuke held a faint smirk on his face, didn't budge an inch.
Naruto's hold around his wrists weakened and hiccups started to fill the silence.
Naruto sniffed, wiped his sneeze on his shirt and sneezed again. His whole body shook violently until it hurts.
Sasuke st himself free from Naruto's grasp and put a hand on his chest, for a second, Naruto though Sasuke was pushing him away but he didn't. Slowly the hand moved to his shoulder blades, to his neck, Sasuke caressed the hair behind his head, gently as if trying to comfort him.
Naruto stare at him through his tears.
Sasuke didn't show any kind of emotion, not that he'd expected anything. The next thing he knew, Sasuke had pulled him close, his head resting on Sasuke's shoulders. Naruto buried himself into Sasuke's nape, his lips inches away from the sensitive skin.
"Sasuke", Naruto called, continued to cry his eyes out.
"I'm here". Sasuke made a low chuckle.
"No, you're not Sasuke." Naruto muttered in between his hiccups. He kept on mumbling inaudibly and held onto Sasuke as if his life depended on it.
"Don't", Naruto felt a hand on his back caressing him, the other buried in his golden hair. "Cry." Sasuke sounded far off, sounded like he didn't belong to this world.
I keep thinking about what could have been. I know you're holding her hands. I know I'm on the backgrounds. I know I'm supposed to like her but my eyes were fixated on your wide shoulders.
I remember the smaller boy I chased so many years ago. The boy with the Uchiha crest. It was obvious for me to go to whatever extend possible to reach you. I'd hunt for you, I'd kill for you. And if we can't come to an agreement and you decided to hurt important things in my life, I would sacrifice for you. You who was now looking at her. Your eyes were hidden behind long bangs you started to grow after the war, I can see what kind of expression you could have felt. I don't know what you are thinking.
All I could do right now was to bitterly take in your presence, comforting myself how no one can feel you the way I do. And how no one can feel me like you do.
I swallowed, my mouth went dry before I knew it. During the celebration, when everybody were busy chatting up to each other and while you and her greet everyone, I left.
I have to run away, I though to myself. Your images filled my heart 'till the brink it started to flood my whole being.
The cocky little brat, the unrecognizable friend, the cruel killer, the guy I long for, my rival, my best friend.
Gaara once asked me to define what friendship was and to what extend should I allow myself to indulge you.
It was during the time the kages decided to execute you, Sasuke. I honestly have no idea, but the moment I though about you dying it hurts so much I can't physically take it. Maybe it was around that time I realize I'm willing to sacrifice for you, I'm willing to die for you as long as I can stop you from hurting our village.
Why do you care about me so much? You used to ask me, over and over.
Because I'm your friend I answered, I was confident. And you looked so surprise, your dark eyes turned grey, you seemed hurt. All those times, you always looked so sad Sasuke. Even when you were blabbering about killing me off, even when you were hitting me with your deadliest blows, I wonder if you knew, you looked really desperate Sasuke.
I fastened my steps, jumping through the roofs. Street noises are killing me, wind gusts stabbed me like million needles. I'm in pain Sasuke.
It leaves me wonder think, how much it would've hurt you to take that blow for me, at the bridge.
Mind your own business! I screamed.
Hell if I know, you said. My body just moved on it's own. You said.
Until now, I can't fully figure what you meant.
Does that mean I'm your dearest?
Seldom, I would catch you looking at Sakura with such soft gazes. I imagine that's what love would look like, for you.
You never looked at me that way. You always frown, you always look angry. Sasuke, does that mean, for you she's...
Before he knew it Naruto had stopped at the ruined Valley. The people had left it as is to comemorate their pride. The statues were completely blown off. Hashirama and Madara's sealing hand lay cold on the grown, incidentally forming the seal of reconciliation. Naruto stood on top of it. He stared blankly at the valley that'd started flowing again.
He knelt down to touch the soil, recalling how cold it was that day. If he could choose the person beside him in his agony it would have no doubt been Sasuke. And that day Sasuke was there. They were only 17, kids trying to punch the shits out of each other. Wounded blood everywhere. He forgot everything, Sakura, Kakashi, the world. It's only between Sasuke and him. Naruto never forget his friends, he'd wanted to protect them, to save everyone. But for his best friend, he was more than willing to die.
Naruto slowly lied down where he presumed he once did, looked over his side at the place Sasuke was.
He laughed at himself. Of course, Sasuke couldn't have been there anymore, he was probably hand in hand with Sakura right now.
Naruto wondered how the weeding went and how much time had passed. Was it done or not.
The sky had been tainted completely dark. When he left it was still sunny. He tried to stop himself from imagining Sasuke and Sakura going back to the Uchiha household. What they would...
Naruto screamed. He screamed so loud his throat went completely sore. His breathing started to accelerate, his whole body heated up.
S... Shit! Naruto grunted. Trying to control himself.
Finally, he curled up and tears started to stream down his cheeks. Eyes wide open, Naruto imagined Sasuke, bruised, tired, left eye forced shut, staring at him.
He was with Sasuke first, he spent the night with Sasuke first.
Naruto smiled faintly, clenched his right hand. In that poodle of blood, with their broken arms, he never told Sasuke how he vividly felt Sasuke's hand in his. He caressed it and squeezed it against his own.
What does he want from Sasuke? Naruto bit his lips, Sasuke was his friend, Sasuke was...
He never imagined his attraction towards Sasuke was anywhere near the kind Sakura does, nor does he ever felt like marrying him. But, right now, his heart is telling him otherwise.
Without thinking, he imagine Sasuke was there, leaned in, but a hand behind his dark hair and lay a kiss on his swollen lips.
Just as he'd expected goosebumps ran down his spine, his stomach boiled up, much like his first kiss on the second row, third desk.
When the thin lines, he began tracing the curves of my face, between reality and dreams fade away.
What? I frowned. He's always like that, talking nonsense.
Hm. He stopped, he wasn't paying attention to me, I wasn't in his deep dark eyes. He lifted a small strand of pink hair to kiss the back of my neck. I shivered to the cold caress.
What is it, Sasuke. I could feel my whole body heating up like fire.
Shhh, he ordered me to stay silent, and I was forced to obey as threw me in his embrace.
I was breath taken, in his arms, I'm not me anymore, just, merely an object, a cello he played to his own beat.
N... He muttered in his low husky voice. Na... Bit his lips.
Right 4, left 4.5. Almost blind.
First time saw him when getting out of the bathroom. Skinny, pallid, black everywhere and blurry as fuck.
Was my sister's lover, Sasuke.
"Naruto!" Sakura pointed, screamed, red faced. "Put on some cloths, for god's sake, you're embarrassing me!"
"Whatever." Stuck out my tongue.
He laughed very low. Bastard, I twitched, wanted to rip his head off.
Sakura wasn't my real sister. And he wasn't her first boyfriend, just the first she ever brought home.
He was constantly around, slowly they started getting comfortable in my presence, a little to comfortable. Most of the time, Sakura made the moves. Like a puppet, he was a stupid fucking inanimate puppet.
What was so good about that guy. Stabbed, heartbroken, I left.
"What the hell?" Quickly zipped my pants up.
He was behind me, he followed, at the bathroom's door.
"Washing my face." Calm. "Shy?" And provocative.
Behind me, he did his business, I did mine.
Only when the car almost slammed stop had I realize I'd been driving way too fast. Caressing my fresh wound from hitting the front window, I sheepishly glance at him. Seemingly unhurt, he was looking outside as if the shock didn't affect him at all. I was planning to call him but his name got stuck somewhere in my throat. Giving up, I unbuckle my seat belt and cracked the door open. It was blazingly sunny. By instinct, I dug my hand in my pocket. One cigarette left. I lit it and slowly stroll down the heated asphalt. Soon, his shadows reached mine. "Lock it." He simply ordered and soon the car bipped behind us. It't not like me to follow his orders, never was the obedient type, even to an older guy like him. Especially to him. But today. Today was different.
"Let me go." He mumbled weakly and drew back. I followed his steps. His eyes dropped to the ground nervously. We were only inches apart.
I reached for the switch, in a blink of an eye, the storage room was shut in darkness, but it was morning and I can still clearly decipher his strong jaw lines, his thin lips, his transparent blue eyes and brownish locks. Those sea-colored eyes I dreaded to be drowned in. Like a man dreading for water in an empty desert.
"Stop!" He pushed me back. But of course, there's no way I'd listen.
I roughly slammed him against the wall, I wasn't myself anymore. I am, definitely, someone else.
He resisted. And soon enough landed a critical punch on my face, I felt my body slamming agaisnt the hard cold floor.
"Fuck you!" I glared, standing up despite the pain.
I launched at him again, we quarreled for a while until he managed to pin me down.
"Argh...!" I moaned in anger and pain, and lust. He stared down at me, I couldn't read his expression at all. Was he mad? Was he disgusted?
I soon concluded he wasn't as his and my gaze were locked much longer than necessary.
He called my name. He called again.
"Yes?" I replied huskily.
"Let me go." He repeated, his forehead now lightly touching mine. He took in a sharp breath, his grip loosened around my collar.
"I," I huffed, dripping tired from our fight. "I'm not holding on to you or anything."
He slowly moved off, I immediately held him down. He struggled but suddenly stopped when I caught his sin.
"Please." He begged, desperately like a mouse caught in a trap.
"Okay, but," I smiled pallidly, "Call my name, once more." and lied.
"For what it's worth", he wore such a transparent smile I almost missed it. I bit my lips to make sure I won't utter any stupidity, wait for him to finish his sentence. I want to know, I need to know. An eternity seemed to pass before I asked. "What?" Just an encouragement for him to continue. He darted his gaze, something far from being his usual characteristics. We didn't warn each other but we both know full well we're waiting, we're waiting for him to finish his for what it's worth. He finally looked at me again, and I immediately knew he had gotten his composure back. His raven eyes were glassy, ice cold. I almost turned away, but out of sheer stubbornness, I forced myself to do the opposite. That only resulted in weighting on the already heavy atmosphere between us. "What?" I repeated eagerly. I was whispering, I don't want anyone in this weeding, in my weeding, to hear. Who do you think you are, mind your own business, this is just between the two of us. Silence. I gripped onto my champagne glass as if it were my last resort before falling off a cliff. Heck, who knows, I might really be falling. I was suddenly bought back to that time we'd fell off our bike because I didn't listened to him and drank more alcohol than I could swallow. That thud in my heart then felt exactly the same as now when I asked him, what. He kept refusing to answer. Silence, that's what we had between us, the only thing I'm more than sure I'll always get from him, this dampening silence. But he knows I know he knows. I squinted at him, careless whether or not he knew my dying anticipation. Our eyes closely locked into each other as if it was the way it should be, as if it would stay like that forever. How I wish it would. In his gaze, I could read every single word, he was always like this, he'd shamelessly expose to me his whole self, the deepest parts of his soul, everything as if it were the norm to do. And I allowed him the same from me. There were no apparent reason as to why I'd show anyone, especially him, my most vulnerable parts. Maybe it's just a simple give and take. Even though we were that transparent to each other, we never talked about it. That was our silent agreement. I know you know I know, but let's never mention it. "You're cruel." At long last, he smirked desperately. "You knew." I opened my mouth only realize that I'd lost my voice. So as an alternative, I nodded my head. It was meant as an apology. Just this once, please allow my selfishness. Yes, I know very well what's between us, I'm sure of it, it was no way out of doubt that I'd ask, I just wanted to hear you say it, from your beautiful lips. I won't ask for anything else, I'd never talk to you again, I'll never bother you, I promise. I swear. I'd completely disappear from your life. So please, tell me just this once, Sasuke. That you love me.