For the first time, I felt what it was like to really feel the loss of someone. When my mom died, I didn't feel sad, like I was suppose to. When my other family members died, I didn't feel sad, like I was suppose to. Until my cousin, Vicki, died. She was the only family member that knew everything about me and like me for just me. She had her issues to. But I finally was connected with someone who was part of my immediate family. All my life, I felt like I was an outcast in my own family. My cousins were so much older than me is the reason I though they were close, and I wasn't. Until Vicki really took the time as I got older to get to know me and she helped me realize that I come from a family with a history of mental illness. That explained a lot. So, now I can concentrate on getting better. What I would give for one more day with Vicki. I Wish she would come back, I felt safe around her
Am I bipolor or just an addict. I feel like I can't get out of bed everyday unless I have some kind of medication. I am so tired of being addicted to street drugs, prescription drugs, drugs for waking up, drugs for sleeping. I don't think I know who I am anymore. Sometimes I just want to sleep so I do not have to feel. That sounds so bad. But it is true. I use to have a reason, a passion, a love for life, but the older I get, the more my disease advances. At least I think so or do I just think that because the doctors said it would happen. I Wonder what my life would be if I had not ever been told I had bipolar. Would I still be working at a job that I loved, or would I just be drug addict that would have lost my job anyway. If I could turn back time, I would.