I just finished writing just at the same moment the timer stoped. What a surprise! I've been writing quite restlessly for about ten minutes. Ten minutes, Ha! Not quite a lot, you would think but to do it nonstop is already a thing for me. And why have I been doing this? I confirmed what I already knew, what I've been knowing and actually accepting and still I keep surprising myself as if it were such a new thing. It is just that not so deep down I'm still wishing for things to be different, I wish things were different, things to be different, different different! And what would have happened if I, if I...? I that one time I had looked right straight into your eyes without turning, if I had confessed, confessed, confessed! COWARD! Coward? Really? I'm not quite sure, I was just being cautious. Or was I? COWARD.
And what if you...? Why...? Why did you fall? Why did she fall? Why did I fall??? Certainly it was damn easy to fall for you, way easy, damn easy. Though it certainly did took me a time, at the end it was completely inevitable.
Nothing speaks to me more than a Sunday wanting to kill himself. That's right. A sunday. And my favourite things aren't the ones I used to think they were. My favourite things involve blood and a little tiny bit of your smile. Nothing was ever sweeter than you in my mind when i'm trying to sleep. Nothing makes sense at at all as I write in this piece of paper with a digital keyboard thinking things the opposite way they should be. I fucking hate when in Sunday I think about death, my favourite things are the same they were before. Blood isn't sweet at all and neither it is to have you in my mind all the fucking time, specially when I'm trying to get some damn sleep.
Feeling your eyes upon me I look back at you, I turn away as we both submerge in each other's black waters. I fall in love once more. I wonder what you think. You love another. I know. I saw the look you gave her. I saw the look you gave her back then, back there in the church, in the sitting room, at the stage. I wanted to think that song was meant for me, but I knew better. And I was right. And then you both were as one while I was just one. But now that she's not here I sit here swimming deeper in the black waters of your eyes. For a fraction of second when you look back. Back at me.