I am not sure how to proceed, but it is the time for me to stir things around. I should be able to find it. I am the son of the shark of capitalism. Some spend lives figuring out how to make money in huge amounts, but I think I am many parsecs ahead of them being born to a family with such a great affluence. I think it is the time to put it to better use. I do not know what is ahead of me, but I also feel that it is just so limiting of me to be satisfied with the perspective of working in my family's business in the future. I want independence. Before I devise on how to properly grant it to myself, I should also analyze how this thought was put in my mind. I am not overtaken by conspiracy theories about social engineering and programming, but I will be better of making sure I am not using someone else's ideals or thoughts choosing what path to take. How do you know that your dreams are yours?
Now that I can see the world around me lose its shape I really do regret taking that powder into me. It was a wonderful journey that we all were to sett off for but I did not expect the stability of my world to disappear so unexpectedly. I just woke up without her the next day, and ever since it only takes me to space out and lose the focus of my eyesight to see the world flow and the object in front of me merge in the background. It is in a way petrifying but there is also certain magic to it. Magic of human mind. Something great and inexplicable. Now, I indulge in coffee. It keeps me awake and I do not end up spacing out and seeing the world flow around me in uncontrolled trance. I just do not want be scared. I wish I had not taken that white powder into me.