So all the trouble began in 1922. The flappers were growing in numbers, opening casinos left and right so they could dress up and dance in them. So then Germany says "Not in my house! My roof my rules!" But we were all, "Germany, its getting late. I'm sure your parents are missing you, maybe you should have dinner at home tonight." Germany says "No! They're so mean to me! They told me I don't have no birthday so how can I have any presents". So naturally, these casinos were shut down and converted into hot dog warehouses. But that didn't stop those flappers from dancing in them. And so the tradition was born: Heterosexual Courtship in a hot dog factory.
Its the little things in life we often don't appreciate. Like the sun and the son of Will Smith, Jaden Smith. He is really very small still, but if mom and dad are any sort of blueprint for how he will look later, I'll put my money on him being much larger in years to come. He's already got a mill at least, maybe even more I don't know. He could afford to buy an actual mill and shut it down, thus putting hundreds of people out of work, putting their families into poverty and absolutely crushing a community that found its livelihood on said mill. I'm not sure that he would do that but all im saying is that he could.
Jiggly-puff is so over rated. Oh you just said that? I didn't hear you because you are of a lower class than me and your voice was distorted for my own protection. Yes it's true, I come from wealth. I come from over there by the elevator too, but only in the last 10 minutes. Before that I was in the bathroom, sitting above a pile of shame, which I could smell, hear, taste and feel because of the massive case of synesthesia I have from eating a thermometer. Word of advice: the fun ends when you try to eat anything glass for attention.
So when I say 'go', I want you to run faster than you ever have. I know that sounds easier said than done, but becoming a PE teacher did too. I thought my job would be something like a queen ant's, roaming throughout the halls, making bodily movements to tell you students messages. But nobody understands me, or why I wear pajamas all the time. Dont you rubes get it?? Individuality, every heard of it? I just want to leave my plaster molded handprint on this earth while Im here, so that everything my stepmom said could come untrue, and I could find papa a new lady online. I need a new par of panties, one that will squeeze my junk down like a flower pressed in a copy of war and peace. I want a 2-d dick because its the closest ill ever be able to afford to a vagina. Speaking of ham, is that ham on the floor by your foot? One of us should put it in Rachel's backpack!! She's all stuck up cause her parents died. Shit I'd kill my parents to get the edible arrangements she got..
When you attempt to embrace me I feel like shrinking myself to a tiny crumb and rolling off the sweat stained shirt you always wear with the bikini girls on it. That way I could easily escape those awkward 3 seconds in the middle of the hug where I can feel your eyes blink on my shoulder. The smell of your nape is another fable altogether. Well not a fable as much as a very embarrassing problem that makes me thing you never cured yourself of the gout that made your keds look like sketchers.
Can you please get me some cola? I know it's against our agreement for you to pump me full of sugar and bubbles, but if you could get that cola before I have to convince you to do it that'd be great. But you don't have to wear so many colors honey. Sure you're not the prettiest whore in the brothel but you dont need to hide behind the rainbow to make friends. Did you make friends? Because Vanessa said that all the other schoolchildren call you hot-lava girl and that if anyone touches you or talks to you they loose the game. I know it's all in fun but I would concern myself with how I'm coming off to others.
Cram that couch into that apartment? Ha, you live in a shoebox! I mean, this is NYC after all, you think you can just domesticate in the big diseased apple at 22? Well I commend you on this lovely fools paradise you've made for yourself. The curtians match the rug, and I'm really impressed. Honestly based on your persona I assumed that you had dyed your pubes, cause youre so free-spirited and full of hormones. Speaking of pubic hair and spirit, where did you get that dream catcher!! It is adorbo
Ok so you wanna know about skater boys you say? Well you're papi was a skater boi, did you know that? and his papi and his papa and his pep-pop. So you come from a pedigree of good ass skaters. So why are you going to medical school? Do you know how that pisses me off? I could just piss off my pants when I hear you try to mess with my plans for you son, I mean literally spray so hard that my pants fall to the ground. Do you want me to do something humiliating around your friends? It might be funny if I ate a brick of cream cheese by itself, in the doorway of your room while you and your pals are playing x box right? It was funny last time. I mean, it hurt a lot.