yes i miss you and the worst thing is id pick you over everything and everyone because you dont love me, you dont hate me you dont have an opinion, youre just an object but it is not the object that i miss, its the entrance you give me to another place, a place where there is no one but me yet i am not alone. its a place where everything is forgotten but the pain which i have grown to bare and the waterfall it brings. i miss you
and we'll run through the streets again hand in hand a lightness in our chests and stars in our heads, the stress and worry which clouded our eyes all these years cleared revealing bright and hopeful orbs, when the word cancer slipped from the doctors mouth this morning you forgot about the world with me just like we did 70 years ago as we ran through the streets hand in hand with a lightness in our chests and stars in our heads running to the clouds
i love those moments in life where you just stop caring about everyone and everything, when you have nothing to lose and you cant get any lower in life so you can scream fuck the world and shout and sing and dance or wallow in self pity crying and cutting we can be honest with ourselves for once and show what we feel on the inside, if people see you like this, they often look the other way but soon enough the situation will be reversed and they will be the ones people turn away from, its a beautiful cycle of temporary insanity.
every night when i look up at the sky, my eyes jumping from star to star, i imagine your skin against mine, i think about our souls intertwining as i whisper my every thought into your ear, then im pulled back into reality and i remember you're a million miles away alone in a different bed and as my eyes fill with tears and my heart starts to hurt, i look up knowing that although i cant touch you, at least we're still under the same sky and thats what keeps me going.
Rushing through the trees, gliding over streams, rustling through my hair, the morning breeze roams through the world freely changing the stillness. pushing a girls hair into her eyes, it causes her to avoid the violent man she would've otherwise fallen for. a bumble bee is swept away from the swift claws of a curious kitten. A red leaf sways to the ground signifying the beginning of autumn. dandelion seeds float gently around a toddler as her sticky fingers grab at the mystery. the steam rising from my cup of tea is slated to the left as a slight breeze hits my neck
gathered around the living room, all of our friends were lounging around watching Netflix, eating pizza and chatting amongst themselves. Sat with my legs crossed on one of the sofas, Ryan put his arm around my waist and threw a grey blanket over us so that no one could see, his hands were warm and he drew small circles on my stomach. as i looked over at him, i could feel a kick in my stomach and i watched his smile broaden and his eyes fill with tears. I wiped his eyes and fell into his embrace his arms wrapped around our little creation protectively, although we were young then, the second i saw the strip turn pink, i became an adult, a mum and the moment he felt that kick, he became an adult, a dad
most of the time when i say sorry, it is not because i regret what i have said or done or that i feel sorry for you, most of the time i say sorry and push my pride a side because i value our relationship more than winning petty arguments, if i say sorry to you really im saying i cant let you go just yet and when they dont accept the apology, theyre saying i do not need you or want you in my life. then they lose you, they lose the person who was willing to say sorry, to forget their pride and tell you they want you with the simple words im sorry, whereas you lost someone who didnt want you. Just say sorry, trust me its worth it
hurtling down the tenebrous winding staircase, i couldnt get my head around Ashs callous lack of remorse for what he had done. i had been cajoled into attending a clandestine assembly of authors and now im practically throwing myself down the stone stairs desperatley thinking of ways to elude my pursuer and husband also known as ash. slipping on the scarlet liquid which was pouring from the hall, i felt a sense of releif as my body plummets down the stairs i am freed from the fear, the confusion, the heartbreak, the agony which my life had become
The crackling radio blasted green day through the kitchen as the light of the morning sun crept through the window spilling onto the checkered floor tiles. Dragging herself out the door, a tired mother of 3, sat on a bench in her garden as she watched her two sons squabble over whose football was best. Her only daughter was curled up in a den made of old blankets with her curious eyes fixated on the first Harry Potter novel. The den had fairy lights woven beween the wooden poles which kept it's structure. Her mum walked over the dewy grass with bare feet and as she saw her daughter, her eyes filled with love and she whispered good morning.
i change myself and lie, i bite my tongue and only say what they want me to say to fit the standards i have assumed are normal and i cant blame society because im a part of society, the thing is im losing my real self, its odd i dont know who i am anymore, i cant tell the difference between a the truth and the lies, im becoming just another robotic human. sometimes i look back to when i was young and i catch glimpses of myself but that person is buried deep down underneath insecurities and regret. if i could go back and start again maybe i could stay true to myself or at least keep my soul because it is so very lost and i miss it terribly
i remember sitting in the car on my way home when i was a kid and watching the night cloak the town. The moon appeared vivid and whole, and i couldn't help but wonder why he appeared brightest at the worlds darkest hour. Toying with the thought, i noticed the moon was following me home and i wondered that perhaps he only came up at night to keep the stars from feeling lonely because on that night when my soul was lost and alone in the darkness, the moon kept me company and guided me back home.
walking down the same road ive walked so many times before, i stand on the same corner of the same riverbank and i light a cigarette with the same old lighter, i can feel the warmth inside me but im still shivering from the sharp winds which whip at my cheeks, over the river there is a man with a similar appearance to my own but far older and covered in tattoos, he throws his old lighter in the water and i watch him pull out a gun from inside his jacket my eyes are fixated on the man and i cannot move for shock has paralysed me, his expression does not change as he lifts the gun to his temple, he looks at peace when he finally pulls the trigger and silence descends
i can feel your lungs rise and fall, i can feel your heart pump the blood to your veins, i can hear you sigh and squeal, i can feel you twitch in your sleep as you dream of curiosities i will never truly know. i can feel your leg stretch out knocking into mine as your your eyelids unveil my eyes, our eyes. i smile down at you, love pouring from my every particle, you yawn and squirm wriggling into my arms, i kiss your smooth forehead and listen to you giggle, i hold you tightly and my heart breaks a little knowing i will have to let you go at some point. but in this moment nothing else exists, just you me and your dad on our broken mattress in our corner of the world