If you are in pain and I am not in pain. Would you feel that there is a absolute difference between us? You will think that I do not understand your concerns and difficulties. Then I will lose your trust and reliance on me, so I noticed. Yes, I did noticed.
You stopped messaging me on Facebook or text me to my work phone. Why is this feeling like a relief instead of a pain now?
I stared at the big chunk of blue colored on the computer desktop background image. The cute gummy bear in the middle of the picture is staring towards somewhere far beyond my current location. The cat smiling next to him is already in pink suit and its skin turned blue.
Sounds too random so I lost track of why I am writing this story. There isn't a good structure to this piece of random writing. Thank you for reading! :)
Oh, four minutes. I have a brain which goes completely blank when this timer starts in front of my eyes.
I could not say more than that. Right now I am in the office and am supposed to do some work, but I am not doing anything work-related.
Writing is one of my favorite activities. People are talking and walking here and there, while I sit on my spot motionlessly. Only this pair of hands and fingers remain the dancing moves on their own.
Nothing healthy, or informative.
Well, I guess my mind is at peace and that is why.
I know I am lying when I say NO EXPECTATIONS.
The light green colored pen you have been using is now in my hand. I felt a burning heat in my palm while I wrote on the piece of paper. I had included my name and the time of the day. A love letter that will never be sent. Unstopping, I wrote the first day we met. Adding my unseen thoughts and feelings to the little paragraphs of green-colored words. I was telling a story which may not be real. Knowing it's time to stop, I placed the green colored pen back to your desk while seeing you walking out of the door. "Thank you." That was all I could say to you. I could only say the polite words which I know would never be kept in your mind. I am nameless in front of you. The love I used to have when sitting in front of you is stronger now. I am obsessive. But I will keep this as a secret in my mind. Like grass the feelings keep growing. Goodbye, my secret. I closed my eyes, but "want some company?" I hear. Opening my eyes, I see your amazingly handsome face.
A lamp on my table is closing its eyes. I talk into the microphone, but the sky is dark and dimmed. A thunderstorm is coming soon. Deep in my heart, the yearn for going outside of my door and meeting new people is still there. No matter how lonely I am, I still have the urge to make a change. Like several years ago, I was able to adjust myself back to normal and appeared to be my best side in front of my beloved person. Lazy afternoon, cats and dogs are sleeping, but I am having so much more to do. Energy flows inside my mind into all parts of my body. What is going on? The device is charged so I can wear it on me as if I got charged with full power as well. Imagination again goes wild with horses and cows flying on the sky. I am back to my witchcraft school to learn new magic. The love magic. The first step is to believe. The second step is to test. The third step is to release. Do you see? My magic is cast upon you now.
There you are again, back to the center this place. I did not look into the mirror, because I know I would be disappointed by myself. I am still a loner, who can only live life on my own. I can never get together with you because I know we have the same souls. "Two of the same soul would drive each other insane." Joy, one of my friends said that. However, I still have the hope, like all human beings do. I would still over come the shyness and whatever that holds me back, and start contacting you again until you terminate my call. The day you walked out of my door, saying, "We are not friends any more. Go join the I-HATE-TYLER-GROUP." You sounded like an angry child who was ignored by his mother due to that his mother did not purchase a toy for him. I can only love you as if I were older than you, although I am actually ironically a lot younger than your physical age. My love is ill and playful. You wanted me to stop playing the love game with you. I remember the day I saw your birth year I went, "Woah, you are such an old man." And, I remember the day I pat on your stomach and teased you saying you were probably pregnant. You may understand me of my intention was to see you blush. This is easy to understand because you were in love before. I were as well. The day you walked into the computer room where I was listening to music, you appeared in front of me as if you were Angel Cupid. You did not speak a word, but I was so enchanted by you. Then the day we talked to each other for a long time with so much in common, I knew I was in love with you.
When I think of writing. I sense fear in my mind. Where is the creative part of me? She gone? I don't know now. However, this piece of writing is the first one I ever made on this website. I sound so much like an engineering student with a data programming report. Sigh, I guess I am funny you know what? This is the I do not know how many times I fall in love. I fall in love with somebody who does not love me. Just like my stream of thoughts, they were drain and dry. I do not want to blame it on anybody, not even myself. Therefore I will continue typing with a slow speed, because I am afraid of writing something which sounds totally funny and stupid. I cannot write stupid things, which I feel restricted. This computer belongs to my mother, so I do not feel like typing any more. Similar to the letter T - my current beloved Tyler has his own problems, because his father is in trouble. I wanna take care but before that I NEED to take care of myself. I know this is true, so I do not hesitate to write and draw the arts I once was so in love with. It was like the love of my life, and I have been enjoying the process of making arts ever since kindergarten. I now wanna pause because the time is short and life is long. But it is a funny process you know? hahaha. I don't know any more.