Sometimes while longing for someone of my own, I look to others and their relationships. I see the harmony and the love, and sometimes feel jealous. I also see how beautiful a relationship can be. It takes time to create the love that couples share. Sometimes I wonder, "What does she see in him", and other times I accept that it's something I cannot see for myself.
As I continue my quest, I'm drawing up a better picture of the person I want, the person I desire. I know in my mind that there's no one who could perfectly fit the bill, but alas I keep looking. The journey to that end will yield lessons more important to my overall growth then simply waiting for that person to fall into my lap.
On nights like these, I can almost feel those moments replayed. In my car, I speed down winding back roads, music blaring, trying to block out what used to be. Sadly though, the music isn't loud enough to drown out those dirty parts that make up the mess that is called me. That grief-stricken teen, the one who would have done anything to survive. Those are the things I can never quite forget. As the music gets louder and the roads get curvier, I sink back into who I used to be. But just for a moment. Suddenly, thoughts of those moments where I gave everything away seem to come flooding back in, leaving no room for breathe. That moment where I was trapped underneath him, terrified that screaming would make things worse. Then the moment where I trusted him to take those very large parts of me. Another moment where I thought I couldn't live and almost gave up. All of the moments where people told me I was crazy. The moments I lied and covered up the cuts. The moment where I got called into the office..because people were "concerned." The moment where I wished it would all just end. Then the moment where I took him back, then ran to the next "him." The countless moments I gave myself away, searching for the pieces that the first "him" stole. Every moment that almost broke me, and yet I am still here. Those moments together are who I am today. Though I am proud today, I am ashamed of who I used to be.
her wish upon a shooting star, her secret thought as she blew out the candles, her prayers in the bleak nights were all for him, he saw that same shooting star and shut his eyes tight, he wished harder than ever before for you see unlike her, he had already fallen in love alongside someone, he had already felt the touch one desires, he had already done what she wishes for and that is why on that shooting star he wished for it to end
its not just the people who can make you laugh or smile, its the, people who can let you cry. If a person can break down your walls enough for your emotions to come out, your true emotions then you know that person makes you feel comfortable, loved and valued, if you cant cry on there shoulder, and you cant let your emotions out honestly then they aren't family
two seeds, one in the sand the other in the sea. One a boy the other a girl. one is drowned the other is burnt yet they still grow. one is forced to grow to survive and fend for himself whilst the other grows because her mind no longer fits her being, they are finally tall enough to see each other and for her its the first time shes ever been seen, he sees his reflection but its distorted he thinks its pretty, she sees her reflection but its distorted, she thinks its fascinating. the familiarity is welcoming yet somehow sad for no one should go through water or fire, there stories unfold and they start to flower, his petals blue and hers are red yet together they become purple