Is it really that easy to slip from the level of reality that happiness is born, when I'm naked I feel vulnerable upset and insecure because nothing can be pulled over the heartbreak and misery not a cute pattern that's velvet and smooth. No, my hairs stand on end and my skin is dry and cold literally pouring out my flaws, the air dries out my confidence I'm striped to skin and bone my heart beats faster and faster inside the chest it's locked away in a tear drop or two or many more escape dripping salty precious tears that melt into my darkness a darkness full of sounds that I may not get to hear this time around, and it may seem like I'm lonely and it may seem like I am sad but honestly I am angry at what it is I have, when I wake up each morning the sky has always changed and my dreams are half forgotten by the time I've pissed away the night that built my fantasy to sky scraping towers and now I'm awake with nothing but books of texts and uncreative meanings and there is nothing I feel good about. It may be 'sad' of me to do this and the reason why escapes me but when I'm riding home fingers cold eyes dry in a silent noisy carriage, all I do is gaze away my fifteen minute thinker and I count the creatures who are flying, eating, running blinking but the most that I have counted from the train line to my door is 21 things living just 21 things and no more.
Well. The thing is. Today I'm wondering what it's like to really, actually, truly write without stopping to think about it, because the truth is: I cheat here a lot. I cheat while I take short pauses because I don't want my words to be without thought. It's hard to put something in writing if it isn't exactly what your want to say or f how your want to day it. I won't even worry about working mistakes from using swipe v on a tablet because I need to become more accepting o of impressionism imperfection. These retries are killing me and that's exactly why I need to make them. Accept them. Understand that not everything I weird will be insightful out order or an true expression of wet just I want to day or how I want to day it. So I'll just keep on, and I won't proofread add I told and I'll just Avery lot accept that b this will be a learning process. One that won't be ways. EASY. Okay, maybe old habits die hard. The proof is in the offing cans to mind but I have no idea what that phrase is every supposed to mean or why it exists because it just sounds so don't silly so I'll just keep rambling until the timer his zero. Init the timer his zero. His zero
Well lets see. i'm not really sure if i should do this, i mean, write this little fables. mainly because i'm a portuguese native speaker, so i feel i'd be a little in a disadvantage, when even in my native language i can't express myself properly, yes, so now imagine in a different language.
let's just imagine myself describing an apple, i think what should be pretty easy. it's red, round and taste really good, i'm sorry if you don't agree with me.
but i'm not that kind of writer, i feel like i have a need to write about feelings. how would you describe them with words? maybe they are music, smell.
I am strung tight, like a bow but without a target. I can feel the creaking of my fibres and it takes all of me not to dry out and fracture. I can feel the force of tension pull hairline cracks along my surface.
I need to be relaxed. I need to be de-strung and oiled. Packed away into a dark room with cool wooden floors so that I may marinate into my potential.
And only then, when I can bend in the wind will I be capable of flexing into intent. Opening my shoulders out into possibility as with a string released. Only then will I be feeling good vibrations.
Deciding to start something new needs a very well structured layout. We often have lots in mind, and huge rosy dreams, but at the time of execution, things seem totally out of the track.
From total disrupted state, we slowly start digging deeper.
As we go deep, we see the faults, fallacies and problems peeping out.
So, we always object to dive deeper.
The primary way should be to breakdown into simple pieces. Pieces that are totally simple. That which does not need extreme difficulty in understanding.
Understanding is the main problem which I have been facing since childhood. The problem to understand resulted in shortcuts, either to memorize, or just overlook.
Understanding is like a legacy that we carry. Without sound understanding any new idea/plan is bound to fail.
So, firstly, every plan should be broken down to minutest of pieces, so that every such piece is clear, transparent and UNDERSTANDABLE.