I vaguely heard the clink of our glass, as if it had been from another world. My eyes went dizzy for a second, and all I could see were big blob of colors. What were we drinking again, beer? Wine? Vodka? For all I know, it could've been his piss, and I might've just as well drank it. That's how out of it I am.
I laughed at the idea only to realize my voice had gone gruff.
"Cheers!" He paused from his nonstop babbles and grinned. Cheers? Cheers for what? Oh, right. There were nothing to cheer over, I though to myself.
It would've been a lot of help if the alcohol had done a better job at loosening my nerves so I can finally say something that actually mattered.
"Ha ha, look at you, you're as red as a tomato." He pointed at me and laughed. "Drunk off your ass already?"
"Shut up." I muttered, knocking the last drop of liquid that’s in my cup.
"You lightweight." He sign-songed. Who are you to talk, grab a mirror. I glared at him and tried to stand up for a quick piss only to find my feet wobbling like noddles. Unable to hold my weight, I felt down with a thud. "--- Sasuke-chan-- I caught you." The next thing I knew he was under me. We were both sweating from the heat of a regular summer day. The contact was uncomfortably hot and sticky. Though, almost uncalled for, my eyelids dropped as if they were made of heavy steel, and I was suddenly very fucking tired. All I wanted in the world now was a good night sleep, right here, with him underneath of me. I sucked in his all too familiar scent until my lung was full.
"Usu..." I mumbled.
"Get off--- of me..." He growled but put no effort into pushing me aside.
"--ratonkachi..." I ignored him. "Listen. There was this thing--- needed to tell you. I..." My mouth went dry, and words stubbornly refused to come out. There was no doubt I was drunk my ass of, why the hell am I still being able to hold back.
I heard him sight as he bended down to the bed frame, allowing me to lean completely onto him. He put an arm around my back. He intended to pat me at first but stopped midway through, and just lazily held me there.
We stayed in that position for couple of minutes in silence before he snickered.
“What?” Annoyed, I grumbled. Just a little bit more and my consciousness would’ve been able to drift away.
“Nothing. Ha ha...” He shrugged but I insisted so he continued. “Just though-- you- like me when I...” His voiced sounded low as he thrived to make a coherent sentence. “You know, confess to--- Sakura...”
I jerked at him.
“... Eh?” He asked, head dropped to the sheets. No. No, of course not. That wasn’t want I planned to tell you at all, you dobe. I frowned at him, trying to ignore the sudden feeling as if he’d just pierced a hole through my heart.
The sweetness dissipates. There are druids in the train station, witches in the bus depot. There is enchantment luring away the gatekeepers of the sacred seminaries of our most sacred religion. There are wind tunnels with words that trap the clever minded and the movie-maker wannabes. (Nobody is guarding the streets. Nobody is watching the wisdom children.) With a sweep of a hand, the conductor shifts the tone. With the nod of his head, the admiral orders the troops. With the squint of her eye, the romance addict puffs up the narcissistic scholar, just to deflate him with her cold steel lance. The sweetness dissipates. The plates are on fire and there is no food in your pantry. And now the sweetness is gone, the tone has shifted, the troops go marching by.
I had a dream about you, one that made me feel so loved it was magic. I woke up that morning and you were there, your arm slung over my waist and I could hear you breathing. And for a short moment in my still sleepy haze I couldn't remember where our night had ended and where my dream began. I couldn't tell the difference between my fantasy and our reality. And in that moment I felt so loved and it was magic, just like my dream. So I drifted back to sleep, you breathing quietly next to me. And that's when I realized that you're dangerous. You're everywhere in my dreams and reality. So please, please, baby don't shatter me.
I never thought I would be where I am: on the shores under the night sky with nothing on my mind. I never thought I’d have time to ponder things like “love” and “mercy.” I guess I’ve always been pre-occupied with the grains of sand hurling and tumbling down the hourglass. And I want to be a slow-motion sand grain (the very last one to slide through that narrow passage from what was above to what is below). And when I pounce on the pile, from my inevitable and reverent fall, the celebration will begin and all my lovers and all my companions and all my mentors and all my antagonists converge at a shore, under the sky, by the bonfire, and then begins real fellowship. Soon. I never thought I’d be here, pondering these simple things.
I've feared falling in love for so long, that I hadn't realized it was already happening. You're gnarly, and you don't apologize for it--except at 1:00am in drive thru lines. As you mumble apologies about your emotional setbacks in the middle of asking if at least the sex is good enough to make up for it all. And all I can do is laugh and tell you that we're fine. You're drunk, and I'm taking you home. You're being sweet, and rambling about how much you like me. You're asking how I'm okay with all of your flaws and I don't have an answer, i just am. I don't think about it, I just feel it, and when I listen to the beat of your heart late at night I know that you're really just human, and that you're feelings and faults are just human too.