We were looking through the void for a better method of document delivery. A system to get our forms to their targets. A message-launcher, or something to that effect. But what we found blew our minds. Deep into our research we realized that banality needs equipment to be transferred from one person to another. Inconsequential data is dependent on the mechanisms of man, the tools of technologically savvy people. Banality thrives on information systems and populates in the minds of misguided seekers. It infests those who are greedy for more information, who are looking to be one rung higher on the knowledge ladder so that they can look down on whomever they are seeking to look down upon. They are looking for a better view, but their sad accumulation of information blocks their vision, until, in their highly elevated misery, they climb right off the top rung and plummet to their doom.
Dark times. We all have them, even the ones who pretend they have never been hurt, never cried, they've had them too. We make promises that we can not keep and we know this but yet we still make those promises to the ones we love knowing that it'll only be a matter of time before they realize this and leave, just like everyone else. They say they are different, that they will stick around until the end, help you get better, too bad it's not true. You start to believe for a second that the pain won't happen this time but it happens everytime. You're scared to be loved, but they say they will always be there for you. You want to scream you don't believe them, or that this is the last time, this time it's real but isn't. You live for the pain, it becomes normal for you. Your life now.
Music. Music changes everything doesn't it? It can change your mood, when you're sad you put on your favorite song and dance and sing along with the beautiful melody you wish your life was, but the bad thoughts creep away from your brain for the short 3 minutes, then they're back. Back to haunt you and make you cry, scream, and at the same time sit in the quiet hell you live in everyday. But sometimes you are happy, for the moment, and you hear a song that brings back memories, good or bad. Good memories that make you wish it was that time again, to make you wish that your life was still as simple, easy, beautiful as it was in that moment and you wished that those lyrics could contain those emotions for you but sadly the song comes up short. Or bad memories that make you want to crawl into a hole and stay there until the memory subsides. you bang your head until you forget, or, between the memory and the dull pain of the self inflicting blows, that the memory goes away. finally. peace.
But even despite the pain it's still beautiful, still something we spend almost every minute of our pathetic lives listening to it, singing it, dancing to it, thinking about it. It consumes the brain, the body, the soul until we are the music, and the music becomes us.
I do not know what to begin with this free write. I have spent the past 2 weeks wasting time doing nothing and eventually, it has brought me up to this free write website. I really can't find anything interesting thing to do. I do not have money to spend, friends to hang out with or spend time with my family. I am literally free but at the same time bored.
Please help me. I feel like I am getting depressed as time pass by. I do want to find some people to talk with face to face and understand my situation. I feel I am getting bored. I am bored about my self. How worse could it be for other people around me? Will they feel bored about me? Sure they will.
What should I do to spend this time wisely? I have one week left before the school starts and I will be making new friends. I was hoping to make a lot of friends, but then when reality faces you, you become a coward. I do not know what I am and why I am afraid of and please help me. I spent too much time alone, working, just to make money for basic survival. Now that the time has come to begin my own career, I do not know what to do.
Many friends will feel the same. Sudden freedom, being an adult, living away from friends, families, making new friends, new experience, new work, new studies, new teacher, new environment, new conversation topics, new books, new EVERYTHING. I am so stressed, bored, worried, depressed. save me .
Some days I just feel utterly sad. It's like a crushing weight is on top of me. No particular reason, it just happens. It's not just something that you can wish away in a day. Sometimes it takes a lot time examining of myself to really get to the person I want to be. Some days I am the problem. I can't do anything right. And when I focus on that, I start forgetting everything else in my life. It's like I am trying to do a balancing act, but everyone and everything just keeps pushing me from side to side, thinking that it will somehow help. It seems like some people are more concerned about how they feel, rather than everyone else around. It's just confusing. It's never a straight shot to being better. It's a lot of ups and downs, and it's a hard fight. Sometimes it's just about holding onto the ride until you make it to the end, and you're able look back at everything you went through. At the end of the bumpy ride, it was the ups and down combined that made it such an experience. Without both, you couldn't learn to appreciate the ride.