Everything was spiraling out of control. For she had no idea what to do anymore. The corners of her mind were littered with thoughts of events that happened long ago. Events that shaped who she was today. It was as if her childhood and adult life were at battle in her mind on a daily basis. Sometimes, she felt like an adult woman. After all- she was married, had a home, and job to go to. She had moments where she felt like a well-developed character in a class literature novel. A character with class, elegance, intelligence, and a fresh perspective on life. However, there were days when she felt just like the frightened child in first grade who lost her best friend and played alone all day. She had a life, yes. But she had lost all contact with herself.
Eu tenho um amigo muito especial para mim. Ele cuida de mim como se fosse meu irmão, assim como eu o cuido como se eu fosse irmã. Adoro-o e acho-o um gatinho. Eu confesso que até hoje sou apaixonada por ele mas ele não sente o mesmo por mim. É gay e eu o aceito como é. Mas eu quero que ele seja hetero. Seria mais normal, igual eu... Será que um dia consigo conquista-lo? Não sei, mas vou tentar fazer o máximo.
Growing up, I was always slightly embarrassed of where I came from. Looking back now, I am embarrassed that I ever was. Sure, I didn't always get the newest toys and clothes as soon as they hit the shelves, but I never went without. Sitting in the living room a few nights ago, coming up on 20 years of age, I realized that I had not really missed out on anything. As I sat there in heart of my home, I felt nostalgic about the live I grew up living and how in a less than a year away, I would no longer be in this house. It was all bittersweet. My parents may have not been able to give me the world through material things, but they sure did try when it came to their love and attention. All we ever truly needed was each other, and maybe a dog.
I've decided that I'm going to be sad. I'm going to embrace the feeling, welcome it with my arms wide open. I'm tired of the pretense, it's exhausting. It's hard to put up a smile for no reason. It's foolish to even try to convince yourself that the sadness doesn't exist. Because it does. It runs deep within you. And the only way you'll ever get rid of it is if you acknowledge it first. So I'm not going to crack jokes when all I really want to do is scream out loud until I can't make a sound. I'm not going to smile at strangers when all I really want to do is run away from them all and disappear into oblivion. I'm not going to pretend to be happy because I've decided that I'm going to be sad.
poster child, pose for your picture, comb your hair this way, stretch your arm that way, eat your daily nothing and cry invisible tears because poster children cant be sad, poster children are the face of the future and the future must be bright but the poster child cannot live i the present, they cant breathe anyway