I could be someone. Someone real and warm and beautiful. I see her in my head sometimes, the girl I want to be. Wild and crazy but so loving. And I want to be that way. I feel like I could do it sometimes, become her. Sometimes when I'm with my friends I do crazy things and I tell them I love them and for a few moments I feel happy and safe and beautiful. But then those moments end, and I feel as worthless as ever. I'm nothing special, I think I could be, if I became that girl. But right now I'm just lonely and selfish and defensive. I'm not mean, I don't think, I'm just so angry and scared that I take it out on the people I should love. People who were supposed to love me betrayed me once, a long time ago. It still hurts and I feel like every relationship I've been in has been unhealthy and abusive, on both sides. I just really hope I get to be that girl someday.
On nights like these, I can almost feel those moments replayed. In my car, I speed down winding back roads, music blaring, trying to block out what used to be. Sadly though, the music isn't loud enough to drown out those dirty parts that make up the mess that is called me. That grief-stricken teen, the one who would have done anything to survive. Those are the things I can never quite forget. As the music gets louder and the roads get curvier, I sink back into who I used to be. But just for a moment. Suddenly, thoughts of those moments where I gave everything away seem to come flooding back in, leaving no room for breathe. That moment where I was trapped underneath him, terrified that screaming would make things worse. Then the moment where I trusted him to take those very large parts of me. Another moment where I thought I couldn't live and almost gave up. All of the moments where people told me I was crazy. The moments I lied and covered up the cuts. The moment where I got called into the office..because people were "concerned." The moment where I wished it would all just end. Then the moment where I took him back, then ran to the next "him." The countless moments I gave myself away, searching for the pieces that the first "him" stole. Every moment that almost broke me, and yet I am still here. Those moments together are who I am today. Though I am proud today, I am ashamed of who I used to be.
her wish upon a shooting star, her secret thought as she blew out the candles, her prayers in the bleak nights were all for him, he saw that same shooting star and shut his eyes tight, he wished harder than ever before for you see unlike her, he had already fallen in love alongside someone, he had already felt the touch one desires, he had already done what she wishes for and that is why on that shooting star he wished for it to end
its not just the people who can make you laugh or smile, its the, people who can let you cry. If a person can break down your walls enough for your emotions to come out, your true emotions then you know that person makes you feel comfortable, loved and valued, if you cant cry on there shoulder, and you cant let your emotions out honestly then they aren't family
two seeds, one in the sand the other in the sea. One a boy the other a girl. one is drowned the other is burnt yet they still grow. one is forced to grow to survive and fend for himself whilst the other grows because her mind no longer fits her being, they are finally tall enough to see each other and for her its the first time shes ever been seen, he sees his reflection but its distorted he thinks its pretty, she sees her reflection but its distorted, she thinks its fascinating. the familiarity is welcoming yet somehow sad for no one should go through water or fire, there stories unfold and they start to flower, his petals blue and hers are red yet together they become purple