In a world with so many people, how could one soul be so alone? What has this world come to, that we feel a million miles away? In a world once so loving, there is now a draft from the cold inside everyone's hearts. For we seek for our own understanding, and push each other down on the way. Cruelty has now become a part of our daily lives. What a terrible fact. When will the realization that change is needed come about? Will we ever get out of this labyrinth of suffering, or will we simply die stuck and trying? For there is no way to find a change if we do not start with ourselves. Oh what a sad, longing world. Will we ever be safe? From our minds? From others? Will we ever feel loved?
wow, what a great topic. i regret lots of things right away, but after thinking about them for a bit, not many of them do i regret after. i find that most of what i "regret" has gotten me to where i am today so i guess i can't really regret them afterall because i would not be who i am or where i am. this is the case with lots of things, like working at mitchell, or my drinking past. yes, there are some specific things i do still regret, but i don't know how integral they are to my story and my growth and who i am today so it is difficult to know. i guess i associate regret with "wish to change" and i don't know that i would wish to change anything. i mean, yes, there is lots i wish i had changed, but i actually do like who i am and where i am today, and because of what i believe as far as everything is related and everything puts us on a certain path, it is hard to say i really actually wish something was different, because i don't know where i'd be or who i am today. not to say i couldn't be better but i like who i am and where i am based on what i know now. i'd rather take what i have and like than roll the dice on being better and by chance, it may end up worse. i don't know what else to say, i would like this to be a great topic, it is a great topic. i will work on it. i hurt still inside with some of my past choices, and i know i need to keep working on this so that i can embrace all of me and not wish to "shut the door" on the past.
I think we both whisper that we love each other almost silently between each breath as we talk sweetly late into the night. And even when you don't say it out loud in those words, you say things that prove that you understand. When I'm feeling crazy, you know what to say, and you remind me of the things that I've told you when I didn't even realize you were listening to remember. You show me that I'm not crazy and that I'm just too hard on myself. And apparently I do the same for you. And we talk about the people that have hurt us. And we talk about why it hurt so much. And you say perfect things like, "thank you for telling me so I can know how and why you're hurting." It's things like that that make me know that those words must almost slip out between your teeth as often as I find myself holding them back behind mine. I love you, even if we're too shy to say it out loud.
You said some of the saddest shit today. You told me that you know that some day my life will grow past you, and that you’ll understand if I lose you along the way. And that one day we’ll all be home visiting our families and that you’ll understand when I tell you about how amazing my life is, and you’ll understand when someone less complicated than you falls in love with me if I follow my dreams with him instead. You said all of this like it’s known somehow. And it broke me a little bit, because I would love to do all these wonderful things you believe I’m capable of, but for a while now I’ve been thinking that it might be sort of perfect if you came along and we could follow some of your dreams, because I believe in you too. I realized this morning that I really don’t think you know how much I love you.
I don't even know where to start. It's still morning and I am trying my damndest to get started. The stupid sun keeps moving without procrastination. Without distraction. It was here, now it's there. These silly people flood thru my ambiance. Public speakers... who needs them? Every preacher says "there's my ADHD acting up again." Punk, you don't even know what that means. You think it's a chemical imbalance rattling your brain? Please! Your the pawn of a cosmic spiritual game. Invisible beasts from a parallel dimension are pushing you around. They pushed you here, then they will push you there. I'm looking outside at a blue sky. There's not a cloud in sight. I'm going to sit here all day watching that damn sun. I'm going to study her like a goddam scientist, and uncover her secrets. I'm going to discern what makes her tick. Discover all her tricks. Then I'm really going to get this list of projects done!