Marijuana ruined my life. I used to work 13 hour shifts for regular pay because my boss couldn't afford to pay time and a half and we all had to "play catch up." Then I started smoking weed, and I told that asshole to shove it up his ass. He fired me, of course. Without the money coming in to keep her happy, my Asian wife left me for a Day Trader. I almost cried, but I was so high I forgot she was gone after she left. Now my girlfriend has WoW tattoos and a plump ass that she lets me bite. Before marijuana, I was an upstanding member of the community who went door to door campaigning for men who view me and my countrymen as a commodity to be bought, sold, and traded. I went to church and paid lip service to a two thousand year old myth. I did everything that I was supposed to. One puff on this... marijuana... this frightful scourge... this... assassin of our youth! One puff, my friends, and my life fell apart. I no longer have direction. I am gaining no ground whatsoever. My ambitions have ended. I will never be the best...
But drifting has never felt so good.
yes i miss you and the worst thing is id pick you over everything and everyone because you dont love me, you dont hate me you dont have an opinion, youre just an object but it is not the object that i miss, its the entrance you give me to another place, a place where there is no one but me yet i am not alone. its a place where everything is forgotten but the pain which i have grown to bare and the waterfall it brings. i miss you
My mind races as I try to grip onto the sanity which I have left. My body begins to shake with a panic that puts my breathing on hold. Gripping me tightly are my own hands, screaming at myself to stop. But it's unsuccessful, as I'm too far gone, the scars are too deep, the pain is too much. This crushing, blinding, killing panic is ripping through the tightness within me. It is yelling through my seizing lungs and freezing my ability to move. My ability to live. Suddenly my hands shake and I fall deeper into my insanity. I am terrified, I think I am going to die. I can't breathe, I can't think, I can't speak, I can't move. My paused breathing will be the death of me. My head is screaming at me, for anything, something to stop me from losing it. But I lost it all a long time ago, so I scream and shout and yell but nothing can end the torture. Nothing can end the turmoil that is killing every inch of me. So I collapse, destroyed by my own body, ready for my mind to take complete control over the hopeless me.
For a brief moment when I passed through those grocery store sliding doors, I held my breath in hopes of seeing her there. After all, it had been months. I wasn't even sure if she still worked there. It was just a long shot. But hey, I was in town. It wouldn't hurt to stop by. As I walked through the floral area, it was almost like a fairy tale dream. Flowers everywhere, and time stopped when I noticed her over there in the far corner. She was standing at a register, oblivious to the world in her light blue polo and a pair of the khakis that fit her ever so snugly, but in the most modest way possible. I noticed her hand slightly tug and twist at strands of her hair the same way she always used to do when she was hard in thought. Her hair was noticeably shorter, maybe even darker. But it fit her. She stood there, completely unaware of the beauty she was radiating. On her left hand, lightly sat a ring. Oh, how good that was for her. And though she looked bored with her current surroundings, I could tell she was happy with life. I saw a glow in her face that she had before things went wrong. And that's the moment that I realized what I had to do. I had to smile too and simply turn and walk away. She deserved to stay in that moment of picture perfect happiness that I could never give her.