"Are you sure this is what you want?" His voice was low, solemn,as he stared at her. She stood only a few feet from where he stood but that didn't matter, it felt like she was miles away. Her arms were wrapped around her chest as if trying to protect herself, but from what? Himself? Probably.
"Don't ask me that." She whispered. "You know it's what has to happen." Her voice was trembling and it took all his will power to stay where he was instead of rushing to her side. He shoved his fists into his pockets, clenching them together. Forcing his eyes off of her he looked back over the ocean, the night sky turning the waters black. It was quiet. No sound of water crashing against the sides of the island or animals chirping their nightly lullaby.
"You know what?" I started, anger slowly bubbling up inside me. She looked up, noticing the change in my demeanor. Slowly I turned my head towards her, my heart racing. Yesterday when our eyes connected I became light and giddy, wanting to spend the rest of my life with her. Although, it's been a long day and many things have changed. Now all that is there in her, what I once found beautiful, disgusted me causing my lip to curl up slightly.
"Screw you." I spat out those last words before I took my final step over the ledge, crashing into the waters below.
My mind races as I try to grip onto the sanity which I have left. My body begins to shake with a panic that puts my breathing on hold. Gripping me tightly are my own hands, screaming at myself to stop. But it's unsuccessful, as I'm too far gone, the scars are too deep, the pain is too much. This crushing, blinding, killing panic is ripping through the tightness within me. It is yelling through my seizing lungs and freezing my ability to move. My ability to live. Suddenly my hands shake and I fall deeper into my insanity. I am terrified, I think I am going to die. I can't breathe, I can't think, I can't speak, I can't move. My paused breathing will be the death of me. My head is screaming at me, for anything, something to stop me from losing it. But I lost it all a long time ago, so I scream and shout and yell but nothing can end the torture. Nothing can end the turmoil that is killing every inch of me. So I collapse, destroyed by my own body, ready for my mind to take complete control over the hopeless me.
For a brief moment when I passed through those grocery store sliding doors, I held my breath in hopes of seeing her there. After all, it had been months. I wasn't even sure if she still worked there. It was just a long shot. But hey, I was in town. It wouldn't hurt to stop by. As I walked through the floral area, it was almost like a fairy tale dream. Flowers everywhere, and time stopped when I noticed her over there in the far corner. She was standing at a register, oblivious to the world in her light blue polo and a pair of the khakis that fit her ever so snugly, but in the most modest way possible. I noticed her hand slightly tug and twist at strands of her hair the same way she always used to do when she was hard in thought. Her hair was noticeably shorter, maybe even darker. But it fit her. She stood there, completely unaware of the beauty she was radiating. On her left hand, lightly sat a ring. Oh, how good that was for her. And though she looked bored with her current surroundings, I could tell she was happy with life. I saw a glow in her face that she had before things went wrong. And that's the moment that I realized what I had to do. I had to smile too and simply turn and walk away. She deserved to stay in that moment of picture perfect happiness that I could never give her.
and we'll run through the streets again hand in hand a lightness in our chests and stars in our heads, the stress and worry which clouded our eyes all these years cleared revealing bright and hopeful orbs, when the word cancer slipped from the doctors mouth this morning you forgot about the world with me just like we did 70 years ago as we ran through the streets hand in hand with a lightness in our chests and stars in our heads running to the clouds